Don't box me in

It is difficult to keep and maintain relationships with this job. This is the third time someone has left me because they don't like or can't handle what I do for a living...not counting guys that used me for sex and money and wouldn't even introduce me to their friends unless it was to shame me. They don't seem to understand that my occupation is not at all who I am as a human being. Sure, I love my job. I love entertaining people and making them feel good and happy. However think about this, you're an IT guy, or an unemployed writer, or a bouncer at a night club or you work some office job...that is just your JOB, it does not define YOU as a HUMAN BEING. For sex workers, it seems that society sees the opposite. We get little to no respect because our culture puts us in a sub-human category. I feel as though we are designated to JUST being strippers, hookers, dommes, porn stars, etc., when there is so much more to us than that. Some of us are well educated, nurses, writers, artists, entrepreneurs. Some of us are sex workers because in some ways, it is an intelligent choice- we can make enough money to support ourselves while working on our creative endeavors, or make extra money while going to school or working "legitimate" jobs. Over the last week, I've been dumped because of my job (I do not sleep with customers, and I no longer do girl-girl sex shows), and have also been told by an ex-lover that he is basically ashamed of me because of my job as a dancer. Open your minds. There's more to us than our jobs and bodies. Most of us have intelligence and emotions as well.

Tuesday, Tuesday

Tuesday begins my work week. I always feel set to go all of Tuesday, in fact even after yesterday's bummer of a post, I'm kinda still psyched to go in and make some cash. I feel like the purpose of this blog kinda has faded so I'm going to get back on subject here. Today I'll profile my foot fetish customer, and tomorrow or later tonight I will profile my best regular.

Foot Fetish Guy aka FFG:

This man is an extremely gentle soul and usually spends some time with me before we go back to the couch dance room. He's about 6 feet tall, thin, with kind brown eyes and a sweet smile. He's a fantastic listener and is willing to hold intellectual conversations with me while he winds down and gets ready to go have some fun with me. He always tells me he "wants to make my night as easy as possible". Once I lead this fine gentleman (and he is a gentle man) to the couch dance room, he has me remove my shoes. Over the course of the next 6 lapdances (that's his usual amount) he rubs my feet, asks me to caress his chest with my toes and enjoys when I breathe in his ear and whisper how much I adore having the tops of my feet stroked ever so gently. I also think he could care less whether I'm naked or not, he just enjoys the fact that I can hold an adult conversation and he loves my feet. He even didn't mind last week when I was in desperate need of a pedicure. He shrugged his shoulders and told me they were still beautiful.

Prioitize

I can't seem to get things in order lately. My credit cards should be paid on time, since I have the money, but I can't seem to actually log onto thd websites to pay them. What the hell is up with that? Also, I've found it very hard to leave the bed or the couch. It pains me just to get up and go to the bank, work, etc. I guess I am having what one of my former psychiatrists would call a "depressive episode". When I am at work, I put on my smiley face and I go out there and I entertain and try to make people happy. But I am so far down in this rut I don't know how to pull myself out of it. I've seen and experienced so much disrespect and ignorance lately it's killing me. The state of the world drives a dagger into my heart every time I turn on the news. I don't get why people can't just be naturally good. Why we have to all hate eachother. I need to prioritize. I need to fix my credit rating because it should not be so low. I need more back massages. I need to not come home and find that I've had three books of check and 160 bucks stolen from my house and spend hours on the phone arguing with the bank trying to get them to close out the account. I need to do volunteer work on Mondays so I feel like I'm giving back.

I was scheduled to work at the scary club today and I just didn't show up. I know I should have called the owner and thanked him for giving me the opprotunity to work there, since I got the job without having to do an audition but I didn't want to deal with any drama. jeez.

Watch me in my fishbowl.

NinaNin click on brooklyn

politics.

I just need to get a really quick rant out. It irritates the hell out of me when either side makes something up about the other...this leads to tons of Americans that don't know who to believe OR ones who get the wool pulled over their eyes by this nonsense. It seems that most are not willing to go and find the real facts and cling to every word that comes out of these POLITICIANS mouths. They're in politics for a reason, they say these things to get you to vote for them, and to gain power.

People please get smart, use sites like FactCheck to figure out whether this info is true or not. Don't hang on to your chosen sides every word. This goes for us bleeding heart liberals too!

Judgement

I really hate to pass judgment on someone I used to hold near and dear to my heart, but I just read an interview with them and I saw them mentioning over and over again a person they were in an extremely abusive relationship. She mentioned how said person was a wonderful influence on her and her life...when at the time we were close, she was trying to escape her supposedly terrible relationship with him. She stopped returning my calls about 5 months ago and I'm starting to believe that it is because she started seeing him again. It hurts me to see her go back into this situation, but it also makes me wonder if I was being lied to. It also makes me wonder if the verbal and emotional abuse I suffered from BOTH of these people was just an "in cahoots" sort of situation that was being used to mind fuck me and to breed me as a "slave" of sorts (they're fetish people).

On another note, I tried out a new club...it was fucking hell compared to where I work. Men were trying to grab my pussy, whipping their dicks out, I found some kind of drug baggie on the floor and the manager even offered me a condom to blow a customer (how accommodating!) . Needless to say I will not be going back.

Last week, there was a party for the premier of Popporn's Guide to Making Fuck. It was super fun and the porn is both hilarious and sexy, and was directed by my friend Spock Buckton. So, to you perv's out there, give it a look. The party was lots of fun, and it was cool to be recognized by some of the fans of the blog. I even made a new friend, Marianne, who also reviews porn on the site.