in polite society

yesterday, i whined just enough to get my hits back up and my feed subscription's down. and although the numbers say i have an incredible number of unique visitors, the comments don't. this place is dead people! are you afraid i'm going to internet spit on you a cold?

anyway, last night i got asked for the 10,000th time how much i make. in polite society that is one of the rudest questions to ask someone. i also got asked for the millionith time how old i am. he guessed 19, she guessed 21, bless their souls i am 25. but in what other business is it ok for people to ask me my full net income as well as my age? i remember when i was in preschool i told a lady that worked there that my dad made a certain (def. not embarassing) amount of money a month. well, the lady told my dad, and my dad spanked me and i got sent to my room for daring to speak about someone's income at age 4. so why is it that full grown men think it's ok to ask me "uhhh soooo brooklyn...how much money do you make in a night? in a month? a year? and then comes the assuming that i'm a drug addict because i'm still peeling 4-5 days a week for my rent (we're closed sundays now). i am a shopping addict. i will go shopping at any time, with anyone. i will buy clothes, wigs, fake hair, make up, dance outfits, giant lucite sparkling stilettos, purses, sunglasses, books, mp3s, jewelry. whatever material thing i can get my hands on that can make me forget my humanity for the amount of time i am shopping for and buying it. i am an american capitalist consumer spiraling mildly out of control. as for the age issue, since when do we ask women their age? i don't lie about it, yet, like i do my real name. well, sometimes i lie about it. i tell the dirty uncle types that i'm just 18 for their own personal fantasy. sometimes i tell the younger guys i'm 21 so that they don't feel like the hot chick sitting on their lap is old, because honestly at 21, i feared 25 and it seemed really far away.

i think i've made my point. just because i'm a stripper does not make it ok for you to ask my age or income. you're a mechanic, i don't ask you.

whoa there

as i'm sure you can surmise from the last few entries i need to take about a month off. my only issue now is saving up enough money for the bills etc. and i've wanted to take a month off for a year and a half now. it never seems like the right time when i'm doing my bookings calendar for the month. no month is the right month. i can't continue to work myself to the point of exhaustion, frustration, bitchiness, alienation, severe anxiety (last night I freaked on stage I didn't even bother to collect my tips) and illness. I seem to get some kind of upper respiratory thing once a month now. this happened a lot when my parents were going through their divorce and when i was living with my father- both highly stressful times in my life. no, j-dawg isn't a molester, or an abuser he's just not a very nice guy sometimes and was good at making a 15 year old feel like crap, which isn't too hard. i feel like people are being brought around me that are NOT people of pure spirit, and have been let into my house and I am not comfortable with them being here. I tolerated it, and tried to make amends with this person after a screaming match with her (i DO NOT have screaming matches. i am not that person anymore but this person can get me that angry bc she pushes and pushes me to the brink of utter frustration) and then when she thought I was sleeping, she began speaking ill of me while i was in the same room! i need a break from these people and this lifestyle. if i could afford to quit for a while i would do it. but my easiest option is going and hiding out at a friend's house in western pennsylvania.

stripper stereotyping/bashing

i can really only scratch the surface on this issue here because it's just a ginormous issue, i'm tempted to even delve into the stereotyping of sex workers in general, but i'll stick to what i've lived and what i know.


i have heard this sentence millions of times "i would never DATE a stripper, but i would totally fuck the shit out of one of these bitches".
Has society made you so fucked up that you are so puritan, so jealous, so insecure that you could never date a woman who strips for money, doesn't turn tricks, goes home, showers, watches documentaries and has an otherwise normal life?
the other day a guy was whipping 1 dollar bills at me as hard as possible. when i asked him why he said "i'm having a bad day". I replied with "i am HUMAN. not a punching bag. thanks." i now believe that men who come into the club think that i am inhuman, but they don't seem to understand that i have thoughts, a sense of humor, feelings and a REAL HUMAN LIFE. outside of the club.
another thing, my body is MY body. when you give me 20 bucks for a lapdance, you are paying for your time with me. it is a strip club, in am an entertainer. one night a man said to me "i OUGHT to be able to touch your tits." this enraged me to the point where i gave him a super shitty lapdance. you do not have unlimited access, nor should you have unlimited access to a body that is not yours.


some stripper jokes ive seen or heard this week
"never date a girl who pays her rent in singles"- David Spade (hey at least i can afford my rent, unlike half the men i've dated in philadelphia, no matter if i've paid in singles, 20s, 50s, 100s. since i started stripping, i've never had trouble paying the rent. and i've never, ever asked a boyfriend for money which is more than i can say for a TON of men.)

"this place smells like strippers perfume. i feel like i'm going to get herpes sitting on this couch."- forgetting sarah marshall (other than this movie being hilarious this line irritated the crap out of me. basically i don't like the stereotype that most strippers are riddled with stds or are hookers. i don't personally know any strippers that have sex for money. and most of us strippers are very clean and get tested more than the average person.)

so people, get over your preconcieved notions about people i'm sure you have not even taken a second to get to know. and stop assuming we are robotic, zombie like idiotic naked chicks with no feeling and no lives and no common sense. work on NOT being brainwashed by society.

it's easier to catch flies with honey

i hate to revisit this topic but i do so over and over again in my head. i know so many women who don't understand why they "don't have friends" or "everyone hates on them", etc. it's time to analyze your own behavior. it has been MY OWN CHOICE recently to alienate myself from the world outside of a VERY small group of people because women, really you're making it hard for me to continue to love you, and men that goes for you too. i've noticed the following personality types in my interactions in the club and in the world at large and these are the people who seem to not understand why people don't like them:

1. the sociopath, this person tends to think they are the best thing since sliced bread, will burn bridges for no reason, have hissy fits over things that JUST DON'T FUCKING MATTER. they cut down others and make people feel shitty to boost their own confidence but if anyone cuts them down it's the end of the WORLD.

2. the stupid know-it-all, if i can prove you wrong 15 times in 60 minutes via reliable online sources, quit arguing with me.

3. the unsolicited advice giver, if i didn't ask for your advice, i never wanted it in the first place.

that's only three but seriously, am i going crazy here? i've run into these types a million times more since i've moved down here than ever before. grrooowwww up.


oh yeah and i'm going to start calling my club "NIGHT TERRORS", thanks Diablo Cody.

oops

i am the kind of person that doesn't articulate her feelings very well and ends up upsetting or pissing off other unintentionally a LOT. when i was living in buffalo, this never seemed to bother anyone. people knew what i meant when i said it and everything was cool. in philly people seem to take what i say as the worst possible thing it could mean. i'm starting to think that people communicate differently in the great snowy north as opposed to east coast cities, particularly philadelphia. i have angered people and ended friendships over the last two years totally unintentionally because i've explained things "the wrong way". it's very frustrating because it makes me feel mildly alienated and i can't seem to unlearn the way i speak.

things are weird at the club. since i put on a few extra pounds, my clients have changed. during the week we are painfully dead and during the weekend i don't even have time to stop for a cigarette. i burned myself out last week then proceeded to spend all the money on clothes and dance gear. i try to rationalize the dance purchases as furthering my career. i got one really gorgeous violet dress that is probably going to be my new go-to outfit. it covers enough that i could wear it to a party, but is just so damn sexy. when alex and i went shopping at the good stripper store there were all kinds of gowns that made me wish i worked at one of the nice gentleman's clubs. but i can't seem to leave the one i'm at because i'm way too comfortable.

i know i promised hair pictures. i'll try to remember my camera to take to work tonight. i'll give you guys some sick myspace angles.

omgz

so i used to be really really afraid of zombies. i would have nightmares and would plan for fighting them off when it came time. and then i watched jericho on netflix. now i am totally convinced there will be a nuclear holocaust and i have nightmares about that. and i make deals with myself like "if you're at your house, you're fucked immediately. bam, you're dead on impact. if you're at the bf's house, you have some chance of survival because it isn't as close to center city. and on and on. then i come up with lists in my head of what countries are most likely to attack us. it's really neurotic but i can't seem to stop. my anxiety gets so bad some times it's like a bad acid trip up there. and i don't even have schizophrenia.

on another note, i have had the week off due to a really awesome kidney infection and tonight i went to my first show since last year. lady soveriegn was at my church (she's a rapper, lots of people play my church, it's not some christian thing) and i really liked the first ep and public warning so i was really excited about going. but what really bummed me out was she mostly played songs from her new album (which is geared towards 14 year old girls who enjoy the new "emo", like metro station, not the "emo", like i hate myself and all the shit i listened to in high school) and they really sucked. on a more positive note, she's really hot, seems to like girls, touches her tits through the whole show, stared at my tits and threw her beer on them and is still a great mc. i would totally be her gf.

go to fucking medical school?!

this is what my manager told me because customers are not spending money at the club. hrmph. i have some suggestions on improving conditions other than me going to medical school. at least i had a few lap dances, other girls were going home with none (and i sold two pairs of panties)! i think a better idea is dropping 27 pounds and auditioning for the penthouse club that is soon to open in philly. so, i've got my slimquick (omg all i've done all day is pee) and my fruits and veggies. and a whole lot of crankiness. as usual. it's hard being snarky all the time but for all you folks out there, i don't mind working on it.

when i got home i watched the 2008 avn's. how hot/awesome is sasha grey?! i have to say that she is my favorite porn star ever of all time. i love that she always looks like she's going to kick your fucking ass, and i also happen to know she enjoys metal very much. my neighboor interviewed her! also, joanna looked all cute getting her man's award. she's so tiny in real life! i used to pose for her site when in was a senior in high school/in college and whenever you hug you feel like a freakin' giant (i'm only 5'3" dude). i know this is all really old news but i haven't had the chance to blog about it yet.

MAY I PRESENT TO YOU:

PRINCESS PAULINA/WACKO JACKO/THE COOLEST KITTY ALIVE: