whoa there

as i'm sure you can surmise from the last few entries i need to take about a month off. my only issue now is saving up enough money for the bills etc. and i've wanted to take a month off for a year and a half now. it never seems like the right time when i'm doing my bookings calendar for the month. no month is the right month. i can't continue to work myself to the point of exhaustion, frustration, bitchiness, alienation, severe anxiety (last night I freaked on stage I didn't even bother to collect my tips) and illness. I seem to get some kind of upper respiratory thing once a month now. this happened a lot when my parents were going through their divorce and when i was living with my father- both highly stressful times in my life. no, j-dawg isn't a molester, or an abuser he's just not a very nice guy sometimes and was good at making a 15 year old feel like crap, which isn't too hard. i feel like people are being brought around me that are NOT people of pure spirit, and have been let into my house and I am not comfortable with them being here. I tolerated it, and tried to make amends with this person after a screaming match with her (i DO NOT have screaming matches. i am not that person anymore but this person can get me that angry bc she pushes and pushes me to the brink of utter frustration) and then when she thought I was sleeping, she began speaking ill of me while i was in the same room! i need a break from these people and this lifestyle. if i could afford to quit for a while i would do it. but my easiest option is going and hiding out at a friend's house in western pennsylvania.